Comic Relief: Job-Seeking Humor - Volume 1

Let’s face it – being out of work is no laughing matter! The job-seeking road is often a very long and bumpy one, and is full of repeated instances of rejection. It’s the nature of the beast. Sales people may be used to facing rejection on a daily basis … but most others are not. Emotionally, that can take a huge toll on a person’s attitude, which is a big problem when maintaining a positive attitude is so critical to a job-seeker’s chances of success. [Read “The Power of a Positive Attitude.”]

So in the midst of all that gloom and doom, finding occasional comic relief is important. Having a healthy sense of humor is a key quality that can help make a person attractive to others. With that in mind, I thought I’d take a break from my usual “advice for job-seekers” mission, and offer up a blog of pure humor! Much like “gallows humor,” the intention of “job-seeking humor” is quite simple: to lift the spirits of people who are in an otherwise depressing situation. In my search for such things, I’ve managed to amass quite a large collection of job-seeking humor. My standards are pretty high – after all, I did spend time as a performing comedian myself once upon a time – so I’m a tough critic. I figure, if it makes me laugh out loud, it’s worth sharing here!

Oh, and by the way … I’ve never been a fan of people who send out mass emails with jokes and cartoons on a regular basis. Whenever I get one of those chain emails, I almost always delete them and ask the sender to remove me from their list. So please don’t send me more jokes. My inbox is full enough! On the other hand, I certainly have no problem with anyone sharing this blog with all their friends and colleagues. (Wow … I hope that last bit of shameless self-promotion didn’t sound too hypocritical!)

In the category of Videos, there’s a ton of funny stuff on YouTube related to bad interviews, job-hunting, and other workplace humor. Here’s my absolute favorite video on the topic of being unemployed. This professional-looking, but totally fake one-minute “Trailer” looks so real it makes me want to see the movie! For anyone who has been job hunting for any length of time, this one is bound to hit home:

In the category of Cartoons, you may have noticed that I’ve been including a cartoon at the bottom of each of my most recent blog postings. Sometimes when I find a good cartoon, it actually inspires a topic for me to write about. Here are some miscellaneous funnies that I couldn’t fit into any other blog articles, but I think are hilarious nevertheless – and deserve to be shared here:

Finally, in the category of “Reality Humor,” here are some real quotes from actual cover letters and résumés that were submitted in response to job postings:

COVER LETTERS:
●  “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping.’ I have never quit a job.”
●  “I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
●  “I intentionally omitted my salary history. I’ve made money and lost money. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. I prefer being rich.”
●  “I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”
●  “Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”
●  “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
●  “Responsibility makes me nervous.”
●  “They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”
●  “Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”
●  “The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
●  “While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.”
●  “I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.”
SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
●  “Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.”
●  “My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
●  “I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.”
PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
●  “Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”
PERSONAL INTERESTS:
●  “Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”
SMALL TYPOS:
●  “Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”
●  “Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”
●  “I’m a rabid typist.”
●  “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”

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